Ultim-ape!
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: Specter's apes square off against Addicus the barbarian Monkian when the latter drops in on one of their fun times. This story is named after a mini-game in Ape Escape 3. What else can I say?


**A/N: **I haven't played the _Ape Escape_ games before, so my knowledge of them is limited, but I like the idea of a wacky game about catching crazy apes and monkeys, even if you can't play the monkeys, except in _Ape Escape Academy_.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Ape Escape_ or _ThunderCats_.

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><p><em><strong>Ultim-ape!<strong>_

Addicus, a Monkian from Third Earth, was bounding roughly through the forests. He had just gone on his latest killing spree, and now he was quite relaxed and ready for a little indulging in checking the faraway areas of the planet.

Suddenly, he came to a place where some monkeys, or little apes, he couldn't tell which, were playing some sort of childish competitions with each other. He was surprised to see such little apes out here, having fun like children, and he was almost disgusted to see it too, because of his life of crime. He let out an ape-like bellow and launched himself into the fray.

"Ukki! Ukki! Ukki! Ukki!" went all the little monkeys as he jumped in on their activities violently. They were all wearing colored short pants and little helmets with lights on top of them called Peak Point Helmets, which made Addicus wonder at first if they were some kind of warriors, but they looked like they were merely made a little more intelligent by them instead, based on how little intelligence small monkeys normally had.

The little apes scattered to the best possible safety they could find. When Addicus had all their attention, he looked at them and said, "Who are all you little brats? I thought the Monkeys of Third Earth had more maturity than _this."_

The apes once again started saying, "Ukki, ukki, ukki!" together.

Addicus frowned. "What's the matter? Can't you simians talk? Do you even know what I'm saying?"

The apes nodded to his last question, but they still continued to say, "Ukki."

Addicus growled, which made the apes nervous. "It would seem that the only use I have for shrimps like you is to eat you for a meal," he said quietly.

The monkeys cowered at this. Some of the females and especially young apes began to hug each other close. Addicus began to wonder if some would see this as an act of pure cowardice on _his_ part, eating a bunch of living things smaller and weaker than he was. Then, one ape, which was a little bigger than the others, wore boxing gloves, and was stronger-looking, stepped up and faced Addicus.

He pointed to himself first and said, "Ukki Chan. Me Ukki Chan."

The Monkian blinked. "That is your name? Ukki Chan?" Then he laughed out loud. "You are the silliest dolts I have ever encountered! Being eaten is too good for you!"

Then Ukki Chan started to make signals with his hands. He pointed first to Addicus, then to himself, and then he demonstrated a boxing match, or something similar to that, by pumping and pounding his fists in the air in front of Addicus. Finally, he made a few gestures that seemed to symbolize someone eating something and someone walking away.

"Oh, I understand," said Addicus, "You're challenging me to a duel. And if I win, I get to eat all of you, but if I lose, then I have to leave you all alone."

Some of the mothers and children didn't look altogether comfortable with this bargain, but Addicus said, "Very well, then. I accept. But I must warn you; I do not lose easily in a test of strength. Prepare to meet your doom."

The apes all clamored together in fear, as Ukki Chan and Addicus gathered in the ring for their fight. Ukki Chan suddenly said something like, "Me, avenge my father. Me strong, too."

Addicus barked a laugh. "Maybe so," he said, "But I have been known to outmuscle many sentient beings all at once, like when I killed and ate six Birdmen that tried to have me executed, all by myself, at the same time."

He didn't wait for a response to his threat. He threw a hard punch at Ukki Chan. The monkey recoiled. The others were dismayed.

Addicus commented that he was already enjoying this. Ukki Chan came back and hit Addicus in the stomach. Addicus recoiled slightly, but made a quick recovery. His fists hammered at Ukki Chan as he hit him over and over again. Ukki Chan kept backing up as Addicus seemed to take the advantage in the fight.

"Is that the best you can do, little ape?" mocked Addicus, laughing and growling as if he was already tasted victory. And if he did, he tasted it quite literally. Ukki Chan came back for another few hits to Addicus, but Addicus used one of his feet to grab Ukki Chan and toss him against the ropes of the ring with his opposable toe.

"Is that all?" yelled Addicus. He was starting to tire a little, but he was sure that his strength would hold out long enough for him to defeat and eat these apes. Ukki Chan got up again and slowly walked towards Addicus.

"IS THAT ALL?" shouted Addicus, getting ready for victory.

But then, with lightning fast reflexes, Ukki Chan pounded Addicus on his head, where his spiked helmet was, cleverly avoiding the spike. Even with the helmet on, Addicus felt the hit, and it had given him a nasty concussion. And then, Ukki Chan leaped up and hit Addicus on the jaw, and used his foot to tip over the big Monkian. Addicus fell to the ground with a thud and a thump.

The little apes cheered and danced for joy. Lots of exclamations of "Ukki! Ukki! Ukki!" were shouted. Ukki Chan accepted the applause with modesty.

Addicus came to and discovered that he had lost his match. The apes looked at him like they expected him to go, which they did. But Addicus never was one to keep his word when he lost.

"I'm going to eat all of you little imps anyway! And you can't stop me!" He growled and snarled and waved his huge fists and arms in the air, and got ready to leap forward.

But this time, the apes' confidence was bolstered by Ukki Chan's courage. Monkeys with red pants and boxing gloves jumped forward and started to pound Addicus. Monkeys in black grazed him with some BB's from their guns. Monkeys in blue swarmed around him very quickly and stung him like bees.

This was too much, even for Addicus to take, and he began to back off. These apes weren't as wimpy as he thought they were, obviously. But seeing that he backed off too slowly, monkeys in white threw little bombs at his feet that made tiny, but painful, explosions, and monkeys in green used technology-based weapons like missile launchers to fire at him.

These things even used technology? Addicus felt like he had bitten off more than he could chew, and at last, he fled from the field, yelling, "I'm going! I'm going! Please, don't hurt me!"

And just like that, Addicus had gone crawling back to his fellow generals.

And Specter's apes? They rejoiced in their victory with a nice, healthy feast of ripe bananas, and then they resumed playing the games they so loved to play.


End file.
